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Letterpress Cards

Posters and card sets are available at the Etsy store ThingsPeopleSaid
 
THINGS PEOPLE SAID


People say some pretty remarkable, and entirely human, things when they're in public and they don't think anyone is listening. Such as, "It's getting close to night-time, and my voice is getting sore." Some statements are funny, while others are heart-breaking. When I hear something that hits me over the head, I write it down, draw illustrations based on the people who said them, place them in their natural habitat (often fire dept. pancake breakfasts, Home Depot parking lots and dog parks), and the fine folks at Bison Bookbinding in Bellingham, WA turn these drawings into exquisite letterpress cards.

the I OWE YOU A SALAD thank you card


She was training the donkey. She promised the donkey salad if it behaved itself.

the WEBINAR birthday card


Him: American, mid-fifties, handlebar mustache, Fred Flintstone t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, sunglasses, driving. Her: Chinese, mid-fifties, smoking with the window down, wind in her hair, smiling, sunglasses. All in an El Camino with a handicapped flag on the rearview mirror.

the I DON'T DO FACEBOOK birthday card

 

When I met her, she was at a hair salon and drinking out of a can of Rainier beer. Unprompted, she explained that she doesn't believe in wishing people happy birthday on Facebook--that it was phoney, and that "the only reason you're doing it on Facebook is because you forgot your friend's birthday, and everyone else did too, so you don't want to look like an A-Hole, so you write 'happy birthday', just like everyone else, and it's not special."

 

DOGPARK poster/post card set

 

Here's what I've overheard at the Fidalgo Islanders for Dogs Off-leash (FIDO) dogpark in Anacortes, WA:

 

"Taco Tuesday tonight, or $2 dollar Wednesday tomorrow..."
"Mistakes were made.  Not by me."
"I guess you're on antibiotics, though, right?"
"Let it go to voice mail."
"If you don't know what it is, don't touch it with your fingers."

*if the poster is sectioned off with the corresponding postcards on the back, each postcard comes with one of the above expressions.

 

the I JUST GOT YELLED AT multi-purpose card

 

It was a small town carnival, there was a vast balloon in the air that simply read, "REBATE", a forklift transporting a brand-new SUV that was up for grabs, and a man on his cell phone repeating, "I just got yelled at."  I wish all greeting cards had this much action.

 

the DON'T STOP thank you card

 

This couple was in the cafe section of a ferryboat. The wife stood up, the husband remained seated, and he proceeded to give her a back rub. Every time he tried to quit, she made a noise that sounded like, "eh eh eh", as if to say "you best keep going." She said "eh eh eh" five separate times.

 

HAUNTED YARD SALE

 

Ghosts, skeletons, vampires and the living dead bitch about life, too (all quotes taken from actual yard sales):

"I did a cabaret once in Tucson."
"I need my nine drinks."
"We had dinner and played cards on that chiropractic table..."
"Make me an offer."
"How much should I charge for this three-ring binder?"
"Zero dollars."

the JACUZZI Christmas card / ornament

 

It's cold out.  The bubble-jets feature on the jacuzzi has lost its appeal.  The beverage you took with you is insipid and, for the most part, expired.  You're pro'lly expected to return to the holiday party at some point.  What to do?

 

the SMELLS LIKE X-MAS Christmas card / ornament

 

I saw these three women waiting in line at a Jo-Ann Fabrics, discussing gift cards and Chinese food.  Then, one of them suddenly smelled her fingers and announced that they still "smelled like Christmas."  The other two women took a sniff, and concurred.  I never found out what Christmas smelled like.  Maybe fir.

 

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